I knocked off work early and went back to the much familiar place that I had worked for the past 10 years. I felt so full of nostalgic for every single path, shop, things I saw and touched. The familiar coffee joints, the dress shops, the usual banks, the rush-hour train, the christmas lightings, even WASTON. Yup yup!! I am a regular patron with WASTON and STARBUCKS back then.
The yearning was so strong. I really miss my old place... I miss the racing citybeat, the rush hour, the knocking high-heels, the corporate dress-up, the smell of "money", I miss the speed, the rational... YES!! It's not a typo. I miss the rational of doing things and dealing with people where everything needs to be rational, needs justification, and rather logical (at least from the place I came from)...
It's not his language of love but the fact that he is willing to take that extra step to do something that he doesn't really like doing just for me, meant much.
A simple movie but it brought out the simple and yet so ordinary things in one's life. Life is full of surprises and we never know what will happened. Man is always so deceitful. We thought we know all, we thought we have everything in control but we can never control it and things that happened will just throw us out of dynamics.
Someone describes life as water, liquid and yet flexible to take all forms and shapes. To live in such dynamism, we must be like water, flexible and adaptive and conforming. Jia-chien felt that her eldest sister, Jia-zhen will never get married and will be the one who stayed behind to take care of their dad while Jia-ning is too young and schooling. She made her own plans but end up everything was not what she had intended and planned.
As human we spent so much pondering and thinking but what's the final outcome when it's so dynamic and liquid. I never expected to get myself married and yet I did. I thought I could never leave my previous workplace and profession and yet I left. I supposed that's life. It like a box of chocolate, you never know what you will get.
Has been sick and in bed for the past 3 days. Today slightly better and less drowsy from medication so I managed to catch the morning Martha Stewart before the medication kicked in and I head for bed and now I woke up and start to type again.
The progam is break into different segments from baking, cooking, fashion, crafts, diy projects etc. It was such a pleasure to watch it while I have this dream / aspiration in my little head to attempt little adventure once we have our little place where I can be creative and diy our home decors, come up with cooking / baking recipes, have my little craft place. Reading my book at the balcony with a hot cup of coffee at the side. Many little ideas popping into my head.
The "what if" started popping in my head.... can't do much if I have to work, but I can't afford to go without job. We got a house loan to finance. Can't do much if I am staying with my mil and sil cause it might not be "suitable" for them. Can i stand the critical comments especially from family members and hubby if our taste differs?
Dun want to think of the feasibility of the dream at this moment but please just allow me to dream and to dream..
Fact remains that no woman can share their man with another woman. There is territory issues over the man, territory issues after the kitchen, the cooking area, washing machine. We are just so possessive and dominating creatures. I am DEFINITELY not sharing MINE!!
The last 2-3 weeks have been quite an overwhelming and exhausting period for the both of us because of WORK. Both of us was dealing with our M-DAYs and it's not doing us any good. Looking forward to this long weekend ahead and hopefully we can catch some breathe and re-charge... BUT first I need to clear my WORK (Yes!! I So NEED TO WORK AT HOME,...sigh!)
So for tonight, both of us decided to "unwind" and let ourselves be "free" earlier and enjoy just a wee wee time of relaxation. Him with his chums and Me with mine. Thanks for the unwinding and venting chance, pals....
I just got to see the Sequel - Sex and the City 2 when it arrived in town. It never fails to "SHOUT ME" whenever I watched it. There is always some parts of Carrie, Marinda, Charlotte and Samantha in each of us. The girlish friendships that we fostered among the girls till ladies (never Aunties...EXCUSE ME). It's fabulous. I really love myself for being a woman.
The too many times when we asked our man to OFF that TV and get rid of it. Listen, Guy!! Watching TV beside your WIFE is not spending time with her. The struggle that Carrie and Mr Big going through between balancing the being as a couple and yet having their own personal space. Compromises, honesty and accommodation...that's all part of being married. And never, never change yourself just because you got married cause that's the reason why he/she fall in love with you.
To realise one's destiny is a person's only obligation. When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
Just got into reading Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist, a very inspiring and motivating book on pursuing our own personal legend. Everyone has their own personal legend but always too often we gave up because of :-
Courage Courage to dream. We are brought up (especially in Asian context) that we should not pursue or try out what is not expected of us, what is deem impossible and unrealistic and what is deem not the usual norm. We were brainwashed that we dun even dare to dream or think what is our own personal legend and what we really want in our life.
Love Our love for our family, loved one is another obstacle. After making that decision to try to pursue our personal legend and not fearful of failure, we worry about our love ones. We felt guilty if our decision is too selfish. We worried that our decision might impact them negatively. We wonder if they are acceptable... but true love will understand and those who really loves you will understand and accept and want you to be happy.
Fear of defeat We are so fearful of failing, fearful of the 101 "what if..." that we never started or venture out to what we truly believe it. I asked myself many times do I really want to become a Librarian, do I really want to change my line of job? Is it worth it? what if I discover after all this is not what i want... BUT i am glad that I tried.
Yourself The greatest obstacle is ourself. Oscar Wilde said: ‘each man kills the thing he loves’. And it’s true. We give up our dream because of stop believing, we convince ourselves that this is not what we really wanted, we convince ourself that it is not possible and you are just wasting time. You convince yourself that it is better to give up now then later cause you are wasting time. We look around at others who failed and felt it is ok for us to be like them too. We forget about all the obstacles we had overcome, all the suffering we endured.
The Alchemist just struck such a chord in me. Never give up on your own personal legend... focus.
Never thought one can find such a nice, cosy and lovely place in Singapore. Just nice for a small cozy simple church wedding. And there is a nice restaurant just beside that sells nice Crayfish horfun.
Maybe it's the asian culture, we were brought up fearing to fall and make mistakes. AND if you think with the influence of western values, we might be changing, I think it's getting worse. The fact that I see and experience how many of my peers "over-protecting" their kids just verified, confirmed and stamped this statement.
Why are we so fearful of making that first step of even just to try out something new or different? I was brought up this way no doubt about it. I never learn how to swim or cycle out of mummy's fear that I will fall, hurt myself and even drown. And now in my 30s, I wonder what it's like if I have tried, if I have done A instead of B. But I could only wonder and deduce and never be able to make true that WHAT IF.
I heard too many said, it won't happen to me when my times come and yet I still see the exact PHOTOCOPIED when each and everyone of them turn to parents. We are engulfing them with this protective shield so much that he/she never learns how to grow or make decisions or decide without that shield.
When talking with our loved ones, we tend to jump into conclusion and giving advice too quickly and not listen. Like the Pilot inside The Little Prince, whose drawing of a boa constrictor with an elephant in its stomach, was being mistaken as a hat but the adults and the adults who just keep assuming it is so and "shut off" listening. Many a times, when dealing with our loved ones, did we not behave the same other than that of parents with kids?
A complains to B...
A says ... Today was such a lousy day...
B interrupts ... Must be C, right? Haiya!! Just ignore C lah!! Why bother?? I told you, he is transparent. You need to blah ... blah... blah...
A interrupts ... BUT...
B interrupts ... No BUT... Tomorrow, you just go and ....blah blah blah..
Sounds familiar??? A is not seeking B for any advice, A just wants his/her feelings known and to let out the frustration. AND soon A will learn there is no point for him/her to express and would stop talking about it completely.
Next time, when we felt like "jumping" into conclusions and shutting out to listen to the feelings of our loved ones. Maybe we should just bit our lips a little and be a little bit more patience...
It annoys me a little when people kept asking the when and the how. Cause we just didn't really care less or much. The fact is that we dun even see it even as an important or even necessary decision or path to be considered in our life. We are not against it, neither for it, we are neutral and we enjoy not having it and that's period.
We are totally so unenvious of the joy you all are enjoying, and we dun mind if you think we are a selfish couple thinking of our us, me and ourselves. Now, we can just pack our bags and decide to go for a 3 months tour around latin american, go for an overseas volunteer mission trip, quit our jobs and pursue what we want. Hop on to the next train and go all the way to vietnam, step out of the house in next 30 minutes to catch Spain VS Paraguay after the resounding defeat of Argentina against Germany... GRRRRRR!! No strings attached and in absolutely freedom and yet have a wonderful companion by our sides. We dun have to worry the repercussions of our decision towards our children or guilt that I wanted a little bit more time for myself instead of for the child. The freedom is definitely lovely and we just have too much of things we have yet to done and want so much to do and enjoy together. So at least for now, we can be sure, we definitely want just us, our and me time.
I have been in love with frittata set @ starbucks recently. It tastes just so home-made and cosy. I love having it with my coffee and reading a book while letting people and time passes before me... Bliss. My little time alone snack.
When a man wants to win over a woman's heart, he studies all about her - Her schedule, her life, her time, her habits, her preferences, her likes, her dislikes, the way she walks, etc. etc. The more he studies about her, the more he understands her....
BUT ironically, most man stops studying about their woman after marriage. They thought they "graduated". But they have only obtained a Kindergarten certificate. So to keep a marriage going, never stop studying till you obtained your PhD (Permanent Head Damage).
