More or less settled down in our new place... still a lot of unpacking and tidy up but it just feels so different to finally have a place that is completely the two of us.
AND most important, my own FIRST kitchen..had started cooking and received thumbs up from hubs and family. Check out my Cooking blog.
It's not his language of love but the fact that he is willing to take that extra step to do something that he doesn't really like doing just for me, meant much.
Thank you so much, Moocow.
Tags : Messages, 5 languages of love
Has been sick and in bed for the past 3 days. Today slightly better and less drowsy from medication so I managed to catch the morning Martha Stewart before the medication kicked in and I head for bed and now I woke up and start to type again.
The progam is break into different segments from baking, cooking, fashion, crafts, diy projects etc. It was such a pleasure to watch it while I have this dream / aspiration in my little head to attempt little adventure once we have our little place where I can be creative and diy our home decors, come up with cooking / baking recipes, have my little craft place. Reading my book at the balcony with a hot cup of coffee at the side. Many little ideas popping into my head.
The "what if" started popping in my head.... can't do much if I have to work, but I can't afford to go without job. We got a house loan to finance. Can't do much if I am staying with my mil and sil cause it might not be "suitable" for them. Can i stand the critical comments especially from family members and hubby if our taste differs?
Dun want to think of the feasibility of the dream at this moment but please just allow me to dream and to dream..
Tags : Craft, Dream, Program
I couldn't run....
from the responsibilities.....
from the expectations....
from the views.....
BUT I want to run....
from the responsibilities.....
from the expectations....
from the views.....
It will be just ME, just US.... nobody else.
Fact remains that no woman can share their man with another woman. There is territory issues over the man, territory issues after the kitchen, the cooking area, washing machine. We are just so possessive and dominating creatures. I am DEFINITELY not sharing MINE!!
BUZZ OFF!!!!!! GRRRRRRRR!
I just got to see the Sequel - Sex and the City 2 when it arrived in town. It never fails to "SHOUT ME" whenever I watched it. There is always some parts of Carrie, Marinda, Charlotte and Samantha in each of us. The girlish friendships that we fostered among the girls till ladies (never Aunties...EXCUSE ME). It's fabulous. I really love myself for being a woman.
The too many times when we asked our man to OFF that TV and get rid of it. Listen, Guy!! Watching TV beside your WIFE is not spending time with her. The struggle that Carrie and Mr Big going through between balancing the being as a couple and yet having their own personal space. Compromises, honesty and accommodation...that's all part of being married. And never, never change yourself just because you got married cause that's the reason why he/she fall in love with you.
Ladies!! I MISS YOU ALL!!
Source : The Sun website
Tags : Friendship, Movie, Woman
To realise one's destiny is a person's only obligation.
When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
Just got into reading Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist, a very inspiring and motivating book on pursuing our own personal legend. Everyone has their own personal legend but always too often we gave up because of :-
Courage
Courage to dream. We are brought up (especially in Asian context) that we should not pursue or try out what is not expected of us, what is deem impossible and unrealistic and what is deem not the usual norm. We were brainwashed that we dun even dare to dream or think what is our own personal legend and what we really want in our life.
Love
Our love for our family, loved one is another obstacle. After making that decision to try to pursue our personal legend and not fearful of failure, we worry about our love ones. We felt guilty if our decision is too selfish. We worried that our decision might impact them negatively. We wonder if they are acceptable... but true love will understand and those who really loves you will understand and accept and want you to be happy.
Fear of defeat
We are so fearful of failing, fearful of the 101 "what if..." that we never started or venture out to what we truly believe it. I asked myself many times do I really want to become a Librarian, do I really want to change my line of job? Is it worth it? what if I discover after all this is not what i want... BUT i am glad that I tried.
Yourself
The greatest obstacle is ourself. Oscar Wilde said: ‘each man kills the thing he loves’. And it’s true. We give up our dream because of stop believing, we convince ourselves that this is not what we really wanted, we convince ourself that it is not possible and you are just wasting time. You convince yourself that it is better to give up now then later cause you are wasting time. We look around at others who failed and felt it is ok for us to be like them too. We forget about all the obstacles we had overcome, all the suffering we endured.
The Alchemist just struck such a chord in me. Never give up on your own personal legend... focus.
Tags : Book, Story
Maybe it's the asian culture, we were brought up fearing to fall and make mistakes. AND if you think with the influence of western values, we might be changing, I think it's getting worse. The fact that I see and experience how many of my peers "over-protecting" their kids just verified, confirmed and stamped this statement.
Why are we so fearful of making that first step of even just to try out something new or different? I was brought up this way no doubt about it. I never learn how to swim or cycle out of mummy's fear that I will fall, hurt myself and even drown. And now in my 30s, I wonder what it's like if I have tried, if I have done A instead of B. But I could only wonder and deduce and never be able to make true that WHAT IF.
I heard too many said, it won't happen to me when my times come and yet I still see the exact PHOTOCOPIED when each and everyone of them turn to parents. We are engulfing them with this protective shield so much that he/she never learns how to grow or make decisions or decide without that shield.
When talking with our loved ones, we tend to jump into conclusion and giving advice too quickly and not listen. Like the Pilot inside The Little Prince, whose drawing of a boa constrictor with an elephant in its stomach, was being mistaken as a hat but the adults and the adults who just keep assuming it is so and "shut off" listening. Many a times, when dealing with our loved ones, did we not behave the same other than that of parents with kids?
A complains to B...
A says ... Today was such a lousy day...
B interrupts ... Must be C, right? Haiya!! Just ignore C lah!! Why bother?? I told you, he is transparent. You need to blah ... blah... blah...
A interrupts ... BUT...
B interrupts ... No BUT... Tomorrow, you just go and ....blah blah blah..
Sounds familiar??? A is not seeking B for any advice, A just wants his/her feelings known and to let out the frustration. AND soon A will learn there is no point for him/her to express and would stop talking about it completely.
Next time, when we felt like "jumping" into conclusions and shutting out to listen to the feelings of our loved ones. Maybe we should just bit our lips a little and be a little bit more patience...
It annoys me a little when people kept asking the when and the how. Cause we just didn't really care less or much. The fact is that we dun even see it even as an important or even necessary decision or path to be considered in our life. We are not against it, neither for it, we are neutral and we enjoy not having it and that's period.
We are totally so unenvious of the joy you all are enjoying, and we dun mind if you think we are a selfish couple thinking of our us, me and ourselves. Now, we can just pack our bags and decide to go for a 3 months tour around latin american, go for an overseas volunteer mission trip, quit our jobs and pursue what we want. Hop on to the next train and go all the way to vietnam, step out of the house in next 30 minutes to catch Spain VS Paraguay after the resounding defeat of Argentina against Germany... GRRRRRR!! No strings attached and in absolutely freedom and yet have a wonderful companion by our sides. We dun have to worry the repercussions of our decision towards our children or guilt that I wanted a little bit more time for myself instead of for the child. The freedom is definitely lovely and we just have too much of things we have yet to done and want so much to do and enjoy together. So at least for now, we can be sure, we definitely want just us, our and me time.
When a man wants to win over a woman's heart, he studies all about her - Her schedule, her life, her time, her habits, her preferences, her likes, her dislikes, the way she walks, etc. etc. The more he studies about her, the more he understands her....
BUT ironically, most man stops studying about their woman after marriage. They thought they "graduated". But they have only obtained a Kindergarten certificate. So to keep a marriage going, never stop studying till you obtained your PhD (Permanent Head Damage).
Tags : Advice, Communication, Counselling, Marriage, Relationship
I stumbled upon Audrey Niffenegger's The TIme Traveler's Wife quite by chance and thought I just try read it... I didn't really go very well through the first chapter and what's worse with all the jumbling up of the time and sequences. It does entice me to read on since the main story evolves around a Librarian. Call it occupational hazards. But somehow near to halfway through this book, it kept me captivated and in a week, i finished up the whole 518 pages.
I love the writing style, the language, the description... the humour, the emotions depicted. I love how the story evoked strong and deep thoughts about relationship and time. We always complain we are short of time but do we treasure time really when we have them. Do we treat each day as the very last moment and live it to its fullest and to love the one who loved to the fullest. What is it like to know your own deadline and there is nothing you can do to clutch onto time but to go when it comes and to love her to the maximum. I have no time but yet time is nothing when you have intensified and maximize it.
Love is intensified by absence.. sometimes you need to lose to learn to love.... but that's too painful a way.
Tags : Book, Story
When 2 persons communicate, many a times, one just need to be heard and the other just need to listen. The speaker usually already know what will be their solution but just need an affirmation from another. This is the same with counselling. Dear, I do not know how to tell you but the counsellors are not here to solve your problem, they are also not in the position to give you the best solution to your problem, they are not judges so they do not judge what is right or what is wrong and who is good and who is bad. They merely just facilitate the communication, to guide you into conversation, to communicate in a positive way that will enhance the relationship. If you just want an answer, just want someone to take your side, so afraid that people will judge you then it won't help you at all. The choice is yours.
Tags : Advice, Communication, Counselling, Marriage, Relationship
This phrase originated from a feminist slogan: A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Well, it means that if someone needs something like a Fish Needs a Bicycle, they do not need it at all. I believe this is most modern woman's analogy.
Nevertheless, no matter, how strong a woman appears, we know LOVE does wonder and we saw just too many cases of when a Man falls for a woman and when a woman falls for a man and they go jelly, jelly.
Well, even with a MAN in my life now, I do still very much agreed with this analogy. NOT that I got any issue with my mine, he is really wonderful and I really enjoy my life with him. But just want to let the woman out there knows, there is nothing wrong in staying single and happy. You don't need a man like fish needs water, you just need a man like a fish needs a bicycle. They can add some sparks and entertainment in your life but they aren't everything and anything and your world won't just crumple down because they exit.
Tags : Man, Ramblings, Single-hood, Thoughts
Since after Moi's wedding, every week seems to go so quickly. I cant even recall when was the last time I laid back and chill out. So thanks Beary for the 3 nice bottles of Sapporo beer tonight. ;-) The smooth bitter beery taste that I had so missed and I had so longed. * hic hic *
Moi loves beer because it is my interlude for my succession of alcohol fix; it cools the body during a warm hot day and warms it during the cold cold night; it is easy to gulp it down and goes well with many kinds of food. I love having that little glass of beer just before dinner to relax and feel really in "enjoyment" mode instead of work mode. Those were the days. In my new home "inaccessible" to all sorts of liquor... and companion of liquor. It makes my craving even stronger. When the stress builds up with dividing my time up into a multiple pie leaving very little time for US and for myself. The pie of my family, MooCow's family, friends, work, life, etc. So after 3 bottles with Beary, decided to extend the night a little further by going coffee with MooCow. It's been a while since I last chatted with my good friend, spent just quiet time without others around. So we sat at our usual spot and shared a cup of coffee over fries. Kind of made Moi reminisce the quiet times that I can just be myself, instead of playing the role of being a wife, a daughter-in-law, a daughter. To be "carefree" to go as and when I want and wherever I want to.
I supposed I am adjusting to the routine life of being Mrs MooCow especially with my job also become a very routine-type of work that I can go off relatively at very regular hours as compared to my previous work place. Good or bad, I can't really judge at this moment but i know I better do something before my life get too routine. Evolving around my husband and his family. Like they always said, when you married someone, you don't marry him / her alone but a whole string and throng of people attached too. Just as MooCow needed to adjust himself to my whole jungle of family and friends. Moi too, got to adjust to his.
It was a tormenting day the other day when my own mother was greatly tired out and stress out with taking care of 3 kids and my mother-in-law fell really sick and couldn't even get out of the bed. When one's responsibilities of being a daughter or daughter-in-law was being tested. WELL, I think I just need to learn to adapt and yet balance between not losing my own identity and space. BUT Moi is not totally negative about it, instead I am planning to cook shabu shabu for Moocow family tomorrow night and started reading up recipes and will definitely loves to try out one or two dishes soon. And knowing that MooCow is supportive of my overseas studying and that I will have a financial support when I decide to embark is not a totally bad idea after all.
Ahem!! And for those who have been asking,... kids are not on our agenda at the moment. And anywhere Moi has never been really a kid person so STOP asking. I am not interested. Even if I would to miss my window...yup... It's my choice... And I think it's really up to me.
Tags : Advice, Myself, Ramblings, Single-hood, Thoughts
I had a rewarding time chatting with MooCow yesterday. Since we got married, yesterday was the third time we dated each other. Officially just the "US" time. It was great. We had been trying really hard to guard and keep our once-a-week date sessions. Sounds easy?? It's can be rather difficult to maintain that dating time after we were announced as MR and MRS MooCow. For the simple reason that now we got to take care of 2 families instead of 1 and we seem to run into more social commitments here and there and more errands running. I ran into KK and his gf yesterday who were planning to get married this Sept and he was surprised that we needed to find time to talk...
"Dun you talk to each other every day?"
"Yes, we do. But we dun communicate..."
By communicating, I meant is talking solely about each other feelings and thoughts instead of running through daily issues, family matters etc. It should be a dedicated time just for two of you... a 2 hour session over dinner or coffee will be lovely. Well, things had not been great lately for Moi since demise of BB. I was struggling and had been depressed very much lately and simple things like how we handled BB's treatment (before his death), his death arrangement were all hot sparks of ignition, basically due to our family upbringing and values. The different values and way of handling such situations. He sees nothing wrong with his way while I see nothing wrong with mine and so sparks flew and it was emotional.
It's amazing how couples forget easily their best friend's role after they got married. I begin to find MooCow more and more like my husband and less and less as my best friend. He was so brought down by the daily stuff that he does not have the "mood" and "time" to be my best friend anymore. And so a gentle reminder over our date session yesterday was necessary. I needed very much to talk to my best friend and not my husband. I miss my dear dear friend, the dear dear friend who gave me all sorts of advice or sharing, the dear dear friend who supports and encourages me in all situations, the dear dear friend who never fails to lend me his shoulder to cry on....
For those who knew, MooCow started out as my buddy before we got attached so this was the very part that I cherish and love about him. And it's amazing how's the daily chore of keeping marriage life had make us all forgotten about it.
I was happy to drink ice cold beer with my dear friend, to stroll and chat at the park with my dear friend yesterday and we made a date together to celebrate valentine day together not as husband and wife but as dear friends.
Thanks MooCow for being my best friend. Cheers to our everlasting friendship.
SO I did get married quite some time ago and I had wanted really to blog many stuffs here ranging from marriage DOs and DONTs, customs, traditions, songs selection etc.. Well let's say it's hard if I want to organise the posts and blog them in specific sequence so I am just going to try blog as and when I am available in no particular sequence and organisation.
And to share a little about marriage, well Ladies tend to need to DO MOST of the adjustments as we tend to take things more seriously and are more meticulous and emotional than guys (THOUGH NOT all the same) so it's lot of adjustment with Moi from learning how to travel from my new abode to my workplace, adjusting to my better half and his family, friends and relatives, all of their living habits and values; even small trivial stuffs like sleeping and waking hours; toilet habits, eating habits and what come may. Sweet, Bitter, Sad and Sour all kind of tastes but that's part of marriage life. And well well well it just a matter of time when the two of us will need to find that balance that we both can adjust to and to reach that optimal life satisfaction. Not easy feat for Moi, the super stubborn and independent Wonder Moo but I am trying and still trying....
Yup and for those who knew the bad news... yes... it's really affecting me. I will hang on there and thanks for your support. It's another challenge amidst the challenges but I will SURVIVE.
Love you, pals.
So after a tiff and make up with MooCow (as usual), he gave me his usual manja and asked why he always never win. And my reply was cause if he ever wins, it spells the end of our relationship. Before you jump into the conclusion that Moi, Missy MooBells is such a tyrant and feminist that doesnt allow her MAN to win, not even once, please hear Moi. Cause even when it always seems that MooCow lost, he was actually winning and the price, of course, is MY HEART. And so Men, read carefully, the winning part is showing whether you care enough for this relationship to give in and compromise, to be the first one to say sorry even if she was in the wrong.
So I explained to MooCow that if it comes a day when he wants to win at all cause and not even want to compromise and accommodate, it will be point when he is sick and tired with the relationship and just want to win. It's the time when he starts to put himself first in front of me instead of me. Just that if I am always bend to win all the fights we had, the relationship will not work out too. To be in the relationship, both parties will need to take the continuous and conscious step to put each other before self, to put two in front of one. It's not about winning, it's about her, it's about him.
Tags : Argument, Advice, Marriage, Relationship
Less than 3 months to go and AM I STRESS??? Yes I do but not completely because of the wedding preps though I know a lot of brides will be. I am thankful and grateful that the wedding was really small scale so no great deal of stuff to be bore down but still there are numerous issues that cant be handle till nearer the date and with the closure of my work at the same period as my wedding, just judging at my work, social, little KT and wedding preps schedule already send pimples popping out of my face. Maybe I should rush and press the panic button!! HELP!!!
So I must give reminding myself that the Wedding is just a day thing but a marriage a lifetime and so even if things dun turn out the way it should be or nicely, i should focus on the marriage life with MooCow and not the affairs of the ceremony and adhering to the customs and requests of others. Too bad, we aint on no-man island so it's easier said than done.
Well, I can lament that all these are really bad timing and everything just wants to clash together and squeeze me dry to the last drop. KO said it's a good timing that the end of my work is the beginning of my new life, a new life in status, a new life in responsibilities, a new life in a slightly different role and even a new job that will come with this new life. I am definitely very much affected by this new direction and my preparations for this new life.
Well, I aint sure if it's good or bad timing but I believe it will be a good plan ahead!!
Tags : Marriage, Stress management, Wedding
Had a session with P and H just yesterday who share a part video from "Men Are Like Waffles - Women Are Like Spaghetti" by Bill and Pam Farrel. The session was very enlightening and interesting. Well, if you can never imagine putting maple syrup onto spaghetti and bolognese sauce on waffles, it just mean waffles and spaghetti are totally different and we should never treat them the same.
Men compartmentalise their thinking. Each time they can focus only 1 if not limited number of boxes. Thus the denotation that men are like waffles. And they will stay very focus on each box and try to unravel it before moving to the next compartment. While women are connective creatures, with people that are important to them, they are motivated to connect as much of her life to you as possible with all the details... thus they are like a piece of spaghetti that will somehow connects with all other spaghetti on a plate.
So for the women when communicating with your men, summarise and simplify and stay focus on 1-2 topics. But bear in mind the different in definition of topic. For eg. for a woman, talking about the children is one topic but for the man, talking about the children can means an overwhelming topic from education, nutrition, bonding,... (3 topics?). =P
While the men when communicating with your women, do remove to switch off your problem-focus brain, pack your bags and take a journey along with the women.
Tags : Advice, Marriage, Relationship
